When a beloved grandparent or other older relative begins showing signs of dementia, it can send a ripple effect through the entire family.
And it’s easy to overlook children in that process or assume they are too young to understand.
Even if you don’t notice it much, children can be very perceptive. They notice when grandma repeats herself three times at dinner, or when grandad seems confused in his own home. As part of informing them and keeping them involved, what they often need most is an honest, age-appropriate explanation of what’s happening, delivered by someone they trust.
What dementia is, and why that explanation matters
Understanding what dementia is will form the basis of a meaningful conversation with your kids. Dementia is not a single disease. It’s an umbrella term covering a range of conditions that affect the brain, impairing memory, reasoning, communication, and eventually the ability to manage daily life.
It can be useful to explain dementia to a child through the lens of the brain rather than behaviour. The brain controls how a person thinks, remembers, speaks, and feels. When someone has dementia, parts of the brain are being gradually damaged. That’s why their behaviour seems different. They’re not being unkind or ignoring anyone: their brain simply isn’t working the way it used to.
This distinction really matters because children, especially younger ones, are prone to personalising confusing adult behaviour. Without an explanation, a child can easily conclude that a grandparent no longer loves them, is angry with them, or has somehow changed as a person. A clear, warm explanation can prevent those conclusions from taking root.
Making talking to children about dementia accessible
How you choose to talk to your kids about dementia depends on their age and emotional maturity, but some principles are consistent across the board.
Keep the language concrete, grounded and honest. Young children respond well to simple, direct language, for example, “grandma has a sickness in her brain that makes it hard for her to remember things.”
Invite questions and sit with the ones you can’t fully answer. Children often ask the questions adults find hardest, like “will they die from it?” or “will it happen to you?”. These all deserve honest, age-appropriate responses.
And it’s fine to say “I don’t know exactly”, but what matters most is that they feel safe asking.
Normalise the feelings that come up. Sadness, confusion, frustration, and even embarrassment are all responses children may have when spending time with a family member living with dementia. Naming those feelings out loud, without judgement, goes a long way toward helping children process them in a way that makes them feel supported.
Helping them maintain their relationship
One of the more overlooked aspects of supporting children through a family member’s dementia diagnosis is helping them stay connected to that person, especially if they’re a close family member. After all, the relationship doesn’t have to end because it has changed.
Simple sensory activities tend to work well, like listening to music together, looking through old photographs, going on gentle walks or spending time in the garden. These create moments of genuine connection that don’t rely on memory or clear communication. Children often adapt to these new rhythms more readily than you might expect.
Discussing the move to professional dementia care
If the family is considering or has already moved a relative into a professional dementia care setting, children may have strong feelings about that transition. They might worry it means the family has stopped caring, or that visits will be difficult or frightening.
Taking your child to visit a well-run dementia care environment and talking through what they see beforehand can remove a lot of the anxiety. Staff at specialist facilities are experienced in supporting families through these moments, including the youngest members.
Keeping the conversation going
Talking to children about dementia should be an ongoing conversation. As your loved one’s dementia condition progresses, the conversation needs to evolve too. Revisiting the topic regularly, checking in on how the child is feeling, and giving them updates to help their understanding can help children feel supported rather than shielded.
Children who are given honest information about their loved one, and space to feel their feelings, are far better equipped to navigate what can be one of the more emotionally complex experiences a family goes through together.